If you’re facing your first holiday season as a single mom, knowing what to expect can help you feel less alone. The holidays can be overwhelming, but the key to making it work is to give yourself enough room as you grow into your new role as the best mom ever.
Holiday cheer comes easily to some homes, but for single moms and sole providers, surviving the holidays can be synonymous with feelings of exhaustion and guilt. Even for single moms who seem like they have it all together, the holiday season can trigger old memories that contribute to feelings of loneliness.
It might be tempting to summon the Scrooge within, but it IS possible to develop a healthy relationship with the holidays. Brace yourself for the natural changes that accompany growth, even if that means changes in family tradition. Then you’ll be able to embrace your best self and enjoy a less stressful holiday season.
An empty house can be isolating for a single mom. Turn solitude into self-care.
An empty house can be incredibly isolating on those days your ex has the kids. Forget about wanting a minute to yourself! How could you relax when you’re missing out on all the big moments? If you feel like you’ve been robbed of important time with your kids, or with a special someone, take it as a sign that you need to invest in some quality time with yourself. Turn your solitude into self-care. Get cozy with your favorite show or book. Make yourself a dessert or grab a coffee – and this time, you don’t have to share!
Steam your face, take a walk, and get some sleep. Listen to your favorite music from before you had kids. Once mom finally gets that moment (or two) to herself, that’s when the real holiday magic starts.
It’s okay to break down sometimes. Recognize self-reflective growth.
Surviving your first holiday as a single mom comes with its own set of difficulties, many of which are unique to your journey. Some single moms will tell you it gets easier, while others seem to continue to struggle. The truth is that there will be hard moments. It’s okay to break down! With work, a breakdown can become a breakthrough. It’s important to recognize a breakdown as self-reflective growth along your journey.
Try not to call your ex or doom scroll in order to keep those feelings at bay. While the familiarity with your child’s father or the comfort offered by social media might offer relief for a moment, these dynamics can serve the opposite purpose and hamper your progress. Instead of bottling it all up, embrace each new “low” you experience as necessary to your growth. If you are struggling, you can reach out to a licensed therapist that may be able to help you identify unhealthy coping behaviors.
Scheduling can feel like a power struggle. Realize winning can feel like losing.
Sharing custody can make scheduling hectic over the holidays, especially when it comes down to the big days. And for single moms, it’s easy to feel like an afterthought. If trying to schedule with an ex feels like a power struggle, realize that winning this fight might feel like losing. You might think that it’s the right time to assert your parental rights, but it’s actually a great time to assert your personal power through flexibility.
If your holiday schedule feels out of control, remember that you get to create the special day. If the kids are with their dad, open presents with them once they get back. The best part is that you get to write the rules! Snuggle up with a rom-com and takeout, bake and decorate Christmas cookies, plan a scavenger hunt. Give your kids something to always look forward to at mom’s house by starting your very own traditions.
Doing it alone requires help. Find strength as a single mom by identifying with your community.
As a single mom, you’re doing the job of two people– and then some! The role is time-consuming, and it can feel like it’s impossible to make real connections with others. The feelings of isolation are very real, but you might be surprised at the community of women standing with you. In the U.S. alone, there are 15 million single moms, a whopping 300% increase from sixty years ago. No one is more familiar with the issues that result from being both a single mom and main caretaker, including the lack of paid leave, access to childcare and healthcare, and flexible work schedules.
In reality, doing it alone requires help.
Find strength as a single mom by identifying with your community. Join some mom groups, even if they’re all online. There are community resources and programs that help with groceries and gifts. The holidays can seem to shine a spotlight on your loneliness, but it’s also a great time to get to know your neighbors! Communities are always happy to help their own.
Therapy and counseling for single moms in the Soda City
Whether you’re a single mom or are simply struggling through the holidays, the therapists and counselors at New Hope Counseling and Wellness Center are here to help. While we are physically located in Columbia, SC (aka the Soda City), we also work with clients virtually throughout the country. So wherever you are, you don’t have to face the holidays alone. Help and hope are near … contact us today!
